Strength in Joy

I talked about being courageous and brave this year in the last post.  However, that is not really my focus this year.  The idea for my focus was percolating sometime after Thanksgiving, but was given a big boost by Matt at The Church of No People, who shared the concept from  OneWord365.  The concept is to focus on one thing for the year and one thing only.  My one thing to focus on is joy.

It's not that I am not happy or thankful for the life God has for me.  But happy and thankful are not the same thing as joy.  And sometimes, I confess that I can be downright begrudging at what He has me do when it looks like a sloppy mess or when His plan for accomplishing His job for me looks nothing like my plan.  What I want is the joy that is found in the Bible:

• Nehemiah 8:10b--"And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."
• 1 Chronicles 16:27--"Splendor and majesty are before Him (God); strength and joy in his dwelling place."
• Psalm 16:11--"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence..."
• Psalm 94:19--"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."
• John 15:10-11--"If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.  I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."
• Luke 6:22-23--"Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil because of the Son of Man.  Rejoice on that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven."
• Galatians 5:22-23--"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control.  Against such things there is no law.

And interestingly enough, there are some blatant links between strength and joy in some of these verses.  

The first application of finding joy I will be working on involves weight loss.  I started losing weight last year when my fabulous SIL (all of them are fabulous, by the way), challenged me to "The Game-On Diet", which turns losing weight into a game. I lost 20 pounds, and then took a four month sabbatical, in which I maintained the weight I lost until the last two holidays.  I only crept back a little bit, but it was enough to motivate me to get back in the game.  So I am back at it, this time playing the game solo with my family as my support.  And my goal in this is to have joy, not just in the decreasing numbers, but in saying "no" to all the sweets that my sweet tusk desires, being hungry, working out, and making good food choices.  I have changed it around a little bit.  If I lose the minimum weight (1%) and make a minimum of points at the end of the week, each of my family members takes a turn rewarding me in some way.  When I told my oldest that it would be her turn to reward me this week, she immediately offered to pay  my way to see "The Hobbit-3D" with me even though we have already seen the movie.  Her extravagent gift (though not totally altruistic, since she has been asking to see it again) totally floored me and gave me HUGE incentive.  It looks like she and I will be having a movie date tomorrow. 

And of course, the purpose in finding this joy is to pass it on.

Hebrews 12:2a

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith, who, for the joy set before him endured the cross...

April Game On! Results

I may not have mentioned it, but my beautiful, awesome SIL organized another Game On!  competition for the month of April.  This time, we tried having teams of people.  With the team concept, you average the scores of each team member, which means that you can have a team of two competing against a team of three.  It meant more work for her because she had to compute the averages.  I was on her team, along with another lady, who persevered through a lot of family crises which would be encouraging me to reach for the big tub of ice cream.  Just for that, she is a winner in my book.  Of course, there are more important things that losing weight.  Our team came in second, but we all lost weight, which makes the loss "hurt so good."  I am down 15 pounds overall.

This month was a little tougher.  All the foods that were so new last month were getting old this month.  I had to tell myself what I tell my kids when they get tired of something:  "If you were living in Africa, your meal would most likely be the same thing."  I don't know if this is exactly true, though we did read a book about the Sudenese lost boys and how they were given the same thing from the U.N. on their last journey to Kenya, but even after having the same thing, whenever they wanted to grumble, they remembered when they had to go hungry and became thankful for the "same old thing."

My body is now getting used to 20 minutes of exercise six days a week and seemed to be unimpressed with my efforts.  So I am trying to work out a little longer and go for a run/walk for at least 30 minutes one day a week.  I am now running for two minutes and walk for one.  I progressed in the Hi-intensity workout, too.  I was able to do 4 reps of 30 jumping jacks, 30 lunges, 12 army-style push-ups and 25 crunches without stopping.  On one of the last day of exercising for the game, I was able to  touch my nose to my knees during my yoga sequence.  I never thought I would be able to do it.  However, I also think I pulled a stomach muscle doing it because I was sucking in my stomach with all my strength and when I went down into a plank pose, I felt a sharp pain in my lower stomach.  That ended my yoga session (I refuse to call it a practice) within minutes of starting it.  I also know why they call it a "core muscle group" as walking and standing and getting up out of bed were a little more uncomfortable for a few days.

In terms of clothes, I don't have too many things hanging off of me, but they are getting loose when I put them on, fresh out of the laundry.  Some people might wonder why they aren't loose, but I have to confess that the clothes were getting quite tight before I began this, which was the primary impetus for joining the competition in the first place.  I was tired of always having to buy a size up because they felt a little loose and then, eventually, fitting into them, which led to them becoming tight.

The biggest victory is emotional.  I had been feeling vanquished by my stomach.  I had tried to eat less on my own, but only was able to focus for a few weeks at a time.  Then, my old habits would start luring me back and I would be worse off than before I started.  I also feel that sugar's power over me is less than it was.  Though I have had a couple of bad sugar days on my days off, they aren't as bad as my "regular" sugar days before this.  My emotional state, when PMS is not taking control of me, is much calmer in general and I am less flustered by the little things, probably because one of the requirements is sleep and my body is not stressed out by sugar.

The only negative I have about the game is the fact that they have you try and take on a new, good habit and lose an old, bad habit.  Isn't it enough that I am trying to change habits involving eating, exercise, sleep and water?

I will be visiting Minnesota, where my all my in-laws live this summer and hope to see all the ladies I competed with and against while I am there.

Praise be to God for giving me the strength to continue.

A 3 year inventory and Game on! update

It is now approaching three years since we moved from Illinois, land of wind, snow and water, to Arizona, the land of five seasons--fall, winter, spring, summer, and hell.  We thought we had just thrown off the last chains tying us down to Illinois by changing our cell phone numbers to give Arizona our sales tax.  However, the Illinois Department of Incompetence, I mean Unemployment, has us going through hoops due to a clerical error initiated by Motorola paperwork and compounded by the state.  If you want to read full details, read my husband's blog.  We have been having glorious weather--cool, spring-like weather in the morning and warm, summer like weather in the afternoon.  The orange and lemon trees are blooming, filling the air with a perfume more potent than lilac bushes and giving misery to those who have allergies.  One realization that I made this week is how few wild critters I see flattened on the side of the road.  I do see some dogs and cats and an occasional bird, but nothing like the native equivalent to raccoon, squirrels, or rabbits.  We live in the center of a huge metropolitan area, where main roads are 5 lanes minimum, including a middle turn lane.  It's funny how I used to get sad whenever I saw a dead animal on the side of the road when we lived in Illinois and now I get sad that I don't see dead wild animals at the side of the road because it means we are in a big city where wildlife is kept in a zoo or preserve.   I think if we lived more in the outskirts of the area, we would see more wildlife, probably of the scorpion and black widow variety.  So maybe I should consider myself blessed :-).

I just finished week two of Game On! with my SIL and many Minnesotans who are either her friends or family.  We are playing it as an individual competition. I am not in danger of winning the game at this point, unless the two lead people crumble at the end  (which I really don't want to happen) and my last two weeks are perfect.  That is the "bad" news.  The good news is that I am losing weight, getting more sleep, and no longer feel as lethargic.  I have discovered that sometimes healthy food is fast food if you stock up on it.  nuts and cheese sticks are my go-to foods for snacks.  The other good news is that I am working out six days a week for about 20 minutes a day doing things around the house.  I am checking out yoga DVDs from the library for stretching and strengthening and doing interval training three times a week.  And there is a high intensity training program on the Game On! website that caused the muscles in my body to yell at  me and almost go on strike for two days at the torture I put them through the first time I did it.  This week, they merely grumbled.  Ultimately, I am feeling stronger and have more energy.  I would like to bring in some Arizona friends to challenge the Minnesotans in an April challenge.  I figure that if I play the game five or six times, I will be able to win at least one of them and maybe even get down to my pre-baby weight.  That is better than winning a prize.  So the question is, does anyone else want to play?

A Change of Seasons

Can I go outside now?

Several weeks ago, the high temperatures which Arizonan have been suffering broke, allowing people to turn off air-conditioning, open windows, and step outside after 8 a.m. Last year, we had higher temperatures over all, but this year, we truly had a monsoon season and you could feel the humidity stick to your skin. This weather has been wonderful. The nights have become cool again and then, sometime around mid afternoon, it is a balmy upper 80's, perfect for playing outside.

What we don't get to experience so much is the change of colors. Most of the trees around us are either pine trees or palm trees, imported. And even the leafy trees that we have don't experience cold enough temperatures to turn colors or even fall off until sometime in December or January. I miss Lake County, Illinois, when the kids and I could take hikes out in Forest preserves and create swirls of leaves with their feet. I miss building piles of leaves in our yard for the kids to bury themselves. Walking in fallen leaves appeals to all my senses. If I really want to experience it, though, I can drive 3 hours northeast, along the Mogollon Rim, which is a range of mountains separating the valley in which we live from the Colorado Plateau, or go to Prescott in the middle of the Bradshaw Mountains. Even the mountains surrounding Tuscon, like the Catalina Mountains, have aspen and other deciduous trees in the upper ranges. It sounds like a great field trip for Bridgetender school. :-)

Even though I may seem to be complaining, Fall has always been my favorite season and in Arizona it is doubly so. By September, we are all suffering from cabin fever, even with a pool.

For your entertainment...
Last week, I had Jessi and Kyle memorize and sing "Erie Canal". It is too large a file to upload here, so Eric posted it to his Youtube account here. It is a bit long because they sang it more
andante than vivace.

Last night, the kids were outside at twilight, playing. The high had been 64 but the temperature was dropping. They decided that they needed winter gloves and hats. So they went back outside wearing gloves and hats...still wearing shorts and sandals. Yes, that is quite a picture. Too bad I can't find our new camera. Honey???....



Filed under "Not Quite Forgotten"
You might have noticed in recent months that I stopped publishing weigh-in results. I took a bit of a break with the stress of starting the homeschool schedule with a new curriculum and a new student. By the grace of God, I did not gain weight This was a huge surprise because, based on how bad my eating habits became, I should have gained it all back. Spurred on by God's kindness, I am going back to trying to lose weight at a REALLY crazy time for trying to lose weight. My goal is to lose the two pound necessary to get me to a ten pound overall weight loss before Thanksgiving. I am trying to avoid sweets until the Thanksgiving holiday time, where I will be in an environment inundated with luscious cakes, cookies, pies, and food in general. If I lose the two pounds and hold it through Christmas, I will be a happy girl.

Hodgepodge update

I deleted my account on Facebook today. I am guessing that it will take a week before I automatically start typing in www.fa.... and have the facebook address not automatically pop up. My brother has accused me of being me melodramatic as I kept saying good-bye so many times. I definitely have not silently drifted away leaving people wondering where I am. I made plenty of announcements, commented on my progress in copying contacts, notes, pictures and other things before cutting myself off from what has helped me or maybe hindered me in making the break God provided. I think that was my point. A friend understood me exactly when she sent me a video which you can watch here. I am tempted to start hyperventilating just thinking about it. However, God did bring me 1800 miles away from the one home I hoped I would always have here on this earth for a purpose and I think Facebook was preventing me from truly plunging into His plan. I have a long list of books to read and home projects that will fill the time if I pull myself away from the computer, because there ARE other things to distract me on the computer. One big advantage will hit soon as my email will no longer be clogged by messages from facebook whenever anyone commented or replied. However, I am already fighting urges to relog onto it. I think I have the same reflex that the person who is trying to lose weight sometimes goes to the refrigerator to look for food just because they are used to going to the refrigerator and eating. I think I deserve and extra big scoop of ice cream for doing what I should have done months ago. Speaking of ice cream...

I lost two pounds last week, bringing me back down to 8 pounds lost overall. I had a bad cold, complete with sore throat, to thank for that because I wasn't hungry, especially for sweets. As I recover, my goal is to get to the table hungry again for every meal and say 'no' to sweets for one day.

This weekend will be very busy. I will be going to a Beth Moore simulcast at my church all day Saturday and then spend most of the day there on Sunday between church, a special meeting and attending a membership class with my husband. Have a great weekend.

Hodgepodge

At this point in time, I have a bunch of entries to make and not enough time to make them all individual posts, so I am combining a couple of posts into one so that I can continue my vacation blog, though most of the people reading it are the family that I visited.

To Facebook or not to Facebook...
Hello. I am Kristina Overtoom and I am a Facebook addict. I check it several times a day, spending half an hour, on average, at each time. I have developed an unreasonable urge to keep track of every single friend's life, though I am well over 100 friends between old friends, new friends and family. It is cutting into my time with my family, my hobbies and my chores. Even though I believe Facebook is not evil unto itself, I do believe that it is a poor communication device for anything but trivialities and only allows superficial bonding. And since I have allowed it to take over my life, I feel the need to "pull the plug." Forever. Or at least until all the kids are out of the house and I have "all the time in the world. :-)" It has felt like a lifeline to me since I moved seventeen months ago, but it is really a poor substitute for the phone and/or email. I will take the next week to make sure I have contact and blog information for everyone who is my friend and to "give notice" to all my friends so that they don't see me unfriending them and think that I no longer like them. Please pray that God will bring me through this difficult time as I Facebook detox and that I can withstand the urge to create a new identity in Facebook.

The Diet Wars, Parts XVI through XXI: Revenge of the Stress Monster
Returning from my vacation, I had a week to prepare for school. It involved getting familiar with a new curriculum, planning for a new student, John, who is in Kindergarten, and making sure I had all the books I needed at least for the first two weeks. And actually making a schedule. When you are only teaching one child, a schedule is not as necessary because there is only one child. However, with four different children at varying levels and needing help in different subjects, I needed to come up with a schedule that allowed me to flow from one student on the subjects which required individual attention. It was very stressful and I chowed down on lots of sweets, which is my habit. The first schedule I created really stunk, leading to more stress as the school day was much longer than last year because of inefficiences. The school just down the block from our house has been very inviting. However, I keep reminding myself that this IS God's calling in my life and that all callings from God involve difficulties. So the last four weeks, my eating habits have been horrible and I have returned to feeding my sweet tooth which is an old, ingrained habit of looking for false comfort. However, I have only gained back the two pounds that I lost during the vacation, which is, I think, a mercy of God and the result of exercise. Another mercy from God is that He has infused in me a quiet peace over the last few days that, even though I have stumbled, He will carry me through this. "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 1:6). And so I am ready to re-group and get back into the game instead of wallowing in self disgust and giving up. I will not make the 40 week deadline, but then again, that was my own goal, not God's. My goal is to get my quiet times back on track, which should be helped as I "feed on him, not on food."

To God be the glory!

Weight Loss update--weeks 11-15

Contrary to the lack of postings about my weight, I have not given up my quest to lose 40 pounds, though it won't happen in 40 weeks as I originally desired. However, in the last four weeks, I spent a week getting ready for a 3+ week vacation visiting family and friends in the Midwest, which was NOT a good eating week and the rest of the time was spent on the vacation. While I was away, I didn't want to use another scale to measure my weight. My primary source of information were a pair of brown camping shorts that were just a titch snug starting out on the trip. If they loosened up, then I knew I was losing some weight and if they started getting snug again, then I knew I had been eating too much and needed to reduce my amount. That was my vacation eating plan. I exercised about two or three times a week during my vacation, either walking or running for 15 minutes followed by a 15 minute walk. Sometimes, I swam in a hotel pool for ten minutes. Most of the time, we were staying in someone's house, which meant that I didn't have to over-eat in order to clean my plate. In the past 24 days, we spent slightly more than six days in the car driving from Arizona to Memphis, Chicago, Minneapolis, Denver and, finally, home. During the first of my driving days, I ate less, though some of my calories did come from caffeinated products, like Starbucks Double Shot and Rockstar, which was needed to keep me alert on the long driving days with little sleep. I found the McDonalds fruit and yogurt parfait breakfast to be a healthlier alternative to the bread/egg/breakfast meat alternatives. Sometimes, especially if I had a big dinner, I would skip breakfast or have a smoothy type alternative. I had good eating days and I had bad eating days. The worst time I had was at my mother-in-laws house. She had a bowl of chocolate candy that I hid on the second day in a cupboard. She also had cookies stashed in a couple of different places that were fairly easily accessible. Apparently, my "won't power" is not yet up and running when chocolate or sweets are involved. Then there were different beers available, which, of course, are high in calories. BTW, I am a beer snob, and the companies like Bush, Coors and Budweiser that sell beverages that they call "beer" is not real beer, in my not so humble opinion. I tend to like the darker beers, beers that you can almost chew. In spite of that, the brown camping pants, after becoming more snuggy after a particularly bad day, loosened up again. I weighed myself today, since it had been so long and the result is...

Total weight change: 2 pounds lost, 32 pounds to go.

Praise God to whom all blessings flow! Praise God all creatures here below. Praise God above you heavenly host. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

Week 10: ZZZZZZZZZ

This week, I was hit with the cold that my children received. Looking back, it was starting to creep into my system on Sunday, but I was too much in denial to recognize it. Once again, my exercise has been minimal this week. as my cold symptoms ramped up, Eric left for three days to attend his Grandpa's funeral, which is never good for any kind of diet. I tend to get more stressed out, have less sleep and rely on food as my comfort. Seriously, in the past, I have consumed a half gallon of ice cream in two days when he has been gone. This time was not as bad, but I did overdo it on the sweets during a swim lesson party hosted by the kid's swim coach. She is a really nice woman who teaches lessons from her pool around the corner, making swim lessons at two different times tres convenient for me. There were a LOT of sweets and I was feeling tired and harassed by children who have been quick to take offense, slow to listen and slow to forgive. I blame it on the heat, which is another factor in weaknesses. I had to wait until the kids were awake in the mornings before I felt comfortable walking Jacques with Eric gone. By 7 a.m., it is in the 90's. By 8 a.m. the temperature usually is around 100. The heat sucks any energy you have, so most of my walks with Jacques have been very short and not very fast. The heat also creates cravings for cold, sweet dairy products, especially around 3 p.m. I have moved my orange-banana protein shake as a lunch meal, adding a little bit more ice to make it a smoothie rather than breakfast because it is so refreshing.

Good news:
* I didn't gain weight.
* I didn't really binge at any time. I am getting full with smaller portions.
* A pair of shorts that Eric bought for my birthday two years ago that I couldn't snap are now snug. I am wearing them this week to remind myself to bypass hunger a bit and leave the table not satisfied (as opposed to hungry).

The result for this week: no weight loss, 34 to go.

Week 9: Getting extra luggage from our flight

Apparently, everyone except Eric took on some extra, unwanted luggage on our six plus hour flights from Philadelphia to Phoenix: cold bugs. Three of the kids picked up sore throat/coughing bugs, an additional child withstood that attack only to succumb to 24 hour stomach flu and I picked up some kind of intestinal disorder bug that hung around for a week. The result is that my workout schedule involved walking the dog. Slowly. For short distances. Actually, our first day back, I managed to jog 1.5 miles with the dog before stomach issues eliminated workouts. I am having to walk the dog both times during the day because Eric aggravated some foot problems with all the walking we did while on vacation and is on crutches right now with doctor's orders to stay off the foot for a few days. While I wasn't eating much because of pains that would eventually send me to bed in a fetal position, I think the lack of exercise was also not great. I ended up sleeping a lot during the week and eating a B.R.A.T. diet (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast) to help my stomach recover. At this point, we are mostly fit as a fiddle. However, illness did not contribute to weight loss, which is okay anyway because illness-induced weight loss is always temporary.

Positives: My husband told me that my waist looked smaller. He is so great at encouraging me! When I returned to working out, I hadn't lost as much flexibility/endurance as I was afraid I had due to traveling/sickness.

The result for this week: no weight loss, 34 to go.

Week 8: An additional blessing

I knew something was up when I put on my dress for the wedding and it was loose, even when I sat down. The last time I wore it, it was not loose and when I sat down, I could hear the seams begging for mercy. Generally speaking, God gave me a lot of opportunity to not eat a lot of food, hardly eat any sweets and gave me LOTS of opportunity to exercise, even if it was not always aerobic exercise.

The result for the last two weeks: down 1 pounds total, 34 to go.

All glory to God, who, with his might power is able to do infinitely more than we can ask or think. Glory to Him in the church, in Christ Jesus through all generations, forever and ever. Amen!
Ephesians 3:20-21 (NLT).

Week7: Vacation update

First of all, I have no idea how much I weigh. All I can go by is the fact that my snug shorts are no longer snug. They are actually a bit loose. God has really been with me and helping me. The first day of our trip, traveling from Arizona to Philadelphia via Minneapolis, our plane to Minneapolis was so late that as soon as we got off our first plane, our second plane was in the process of final boarding. And, of course, the departing gate was almost as far as it could possible be from our arrival gate. We literally ran from one end to the other without any opportunity to pick up lunch. Lunch was a Cliff bar and 1/3 of a snack box and a bag of peanuts. The next day, we didn't each much either. With the exception of yesterday, we have been bringing sandwhich fixings, snack veggies and fruit with us and eating in the car. Because we are staying at a Residence Inn, several times we have either fixed dinner ourselves or eaten their dinner, which is buffet that allows a person to chose as little or as much as needed. Last night was my worst night in terms of eating because we stopped at a Chinese restaurant that ended up serving excellent food (Yao Chinese food in Princeton, NJ). It has been so long since I have eaten excellent Chinese food, I ended up binging and seriously regretting it. Our trip has also involved a lot of walking. Even our road trip between Philladelphia and Boston involved stops to tour historic sites. Our biggest day of walking was probably Boston, when we walked The Freedom Trail, roughly 2.5 miles, was given a tour around MIT by one of Eric's former co-workers who is now a professor there and climbed up 294 steps to the top of the Bunker Hill Memorial. That does not include steps we climbed up and down to get to various T stations going back and forth from the Freedom Trail and Cambridge. During our stay in Boston, we were on the 4th floor of a Residence Inn and the only time I used the elevator was at the end of that day, when I had to wash clothes. I was so tired, my feet were sore and I had no intention of carrying bags of dirty laundry down the stairs. So, it was good. I will be posting a blog about our trip soon. But now, it is on to Valley Forge before going to a wedding reception on our last day of the trip

Week 6: Back in the Saddle

Weight loss is not an exercise in perfection. Thank you God for that small mercy. I had two days of what I would call “bad sweets days”. However, in the past, I would have described them as “good days”, so progress is being made. I have discovered that eating too many sweets have started to bring on feelings of nausea. Apparently, I can no longer drink a full bottle of I.B.C. root beer. Nor can I eat more than three chocolate chip cookies. I wonder how much ice cream will make me sick—just kidding! I think God has actually answered a prayer that I have only half seriously prayed for the last four years when I have told the story of my daughter’s problem with sugar. One night, when she was six, she ate seven or eight oreo cookies during small group Bible study in our home. That night, she threw up. She had one other incident of eating too many sweets and throwing up and now, she will start feeling sick as she is reaching the threshold of too much sugar and will stop and refuse to eat any more of a dessert. Whenever I have told the story, I usually end it with, “May God smite me with that affliction.” I am usually laughing after the last line because God usually does not answer those types of prayers. However, over the past four weeks, He has changed something in my body so that I feel the consequences of too much sugar pretty quickly. Or, maybe with eating fewer calories in general, sugar has more of an impact on my system than when I was eating excessive amounts of good food as well as more sugary foods. Even that, however is to His glory since He made the human body “fearfully and wonderfully” (Psalm 139).

I have developed some strategies for our upcoming trip. First of all, we aren’t always going to be eating dinner out. We are staying at a Residence Inn throughout our trip because they are cheaper than the two hotel rooms needed for a family of six, which especially add up in the Boston/Philly area. This means that we can cook meals there. I think part of vacation is getting to try new restaurants and not having to cook and clean. However, having a pot of spaghetti one night or something just as simple another night isn’t too much work. The second strategy is to bring a pair of shorts that are still snug. They are not as snug as they used to be, but I am sure that if I consistently eat too much, they will get snuggier (yes, I know that "snuggier" is not a word). I am also bringing some exercise shorts that Eric purchased for me last year that are a bit snug so that I can be reminded to not eat as much. I will also deliberately leave food on my plate. And of course, the strategy that I am continuing to work out imperfectly is to rely on God rather than on food when I am stressed or lonely or frustrated.

I am still exercising five times a week. I am jogging/shambling almost a mile now. For two days this week, I walked away from the dinner table still hungry after eating a little bit, which coincided with those two bad sweets days. I have imperfectly memorized Ephesians 3:16-21 and will be working on it more this week, as well as reviewing 2 Corinthians 3:18 and Ephesians 1:18-20. The real key is remembering and reciting the verses in Ephesians when some sort of sugary temptation is singing its siren song so that I can actually resist temptation. 2 Corinthians 3:18 is what I remember when I fail those temptations. I have to praise God for all He is doing and all that I know that He will continue to do to change me from the inside out.

The result for this week: down 2 pounds, 35 to go.

Week 5: Nothing to see here

This week, I am experiencing a hurdle that only women experience on a monthly basis in terms of weight fluctuation. If you don't know what I mean by this, then go to the woman you know best and have her explain it to you. It presents a "double whammy" because the body actually resists losing weight at this point in time and introduces cravings in women that are hard to resist.

I still worked out five times in the last week and am having a lot of fun playing in the pool. I only had one really bad day of eating this week. However, if I were truly being honest, I am not letting myself get ravenous or walk away from the dinner table when I am still hungry, which is what I need to do lose weight. The diet I should actually go on is "eating only what my children leave behind on their dinner plate." They are usually pretty decent at cleaning most of their plate and we are usually pretty strict about eating, but there are times when we give the kids too much food. If I started that strategy, however, I would probably be encouraging the kids to put more on their plate than they need.

I am mostly through memorizing Ephesians 3:16-21. Memorizing that big of a piece is hard work. The only part I need to memorize is the section praising God. Go figure!

Looming ominously in about a week is a vacation, where we will be eating out every day for eight days with the final meal to be at a wedding reception! I am already working out eating strategies, which may involve leaving food on the plate to go to waste, which I really hate. However, maybe my oldest daughter could be convinced to split an "adult" dinner with me. Hmmmm....

Week 4: 0 pounds lost, 37 to go.

In summary, I am working out a lot, but not necessarily losing weight because I need to really cut down on my portions and let myself be hungry for a while.

Week 4: Still Stumbling

This week, I had the pleasure of enjoying my mother-in-law and her husband visiting us for a week. We ate out a lot, which proved a bit of a quandary in terms of eating and trying to figure out calories and trying to withstand the urge to eat more than I needed. The results were mixed. I began well, started sinking back into overeating habits for a few days and then made an adjustment on Tuesday and Wednesday that made me re-visit the feelings of day-long hunger to get back on track. I think there was one or two days during their visit where I was about 1000 calories above my target. One of those days, every meal was purchased outside the home. The final meal was at a Cuban restaurant where I learned that I really like Cuban food and I especially love drinking a Mojito cocktail. It is made with mint leaves crushed in lime juice, a bit of powdered sugar, a shot of white rum with club soda topping it off. I was highly tempted to have two glasses, but successfully withstood the temptation by thinking of the cost, the calories, and a vision of Eric having a heart attack trying to carry me to the car because I had passed out in a drunken stupor from overestimating my lightweight abilities to process alcohol. It is also always tempting when visitors are around to make sure we have lots of sweets and Grandpa Dick was not helping when he bought the kids push-up treats on our way to Tubac. At least I made sure he didn’t get me any because I was saving my calories that day for Wisdom’s fruit burros served with a scoop of ice cream. Mmmmmm….Can you tell why I have a hard time losing weight?

I do have some non-weight accomplishments this week:
* I memorized Ephesians 1:18-20 and 2 Corinthians 3:18. My favorite version of the 2 Corinthians verse is New Living Translation, though I worked so hard to memorize the NIV version that I am not going to try and memorize the NLT version. They both are helping me to rely more on God, because it is His power that can change a person in the long run.
* I have gone from an “old lady” shuffling jog for slightly less than ½ mile with my bad knee aching by the end of the run to a “slightly younger old lady” shuffling jog for a little more than ½ mile without my bad knee whining at all. My fitbit pedometer says that I am keeping a 10 minute mile pace when I run that is pretty consistent.
* Maia, the Wii’s “Personal Trainer” will stop about three times in a workout to see how I am doing for that particular section of the workout. On two different occasions, I was able to chose “No sweat” instead of “I was working hard.” or “I couldn’t keep up.”
* I have worked out five times a week for the last three weeks, not counting shambling/walking the dog and playing in the pool when temperatures reach 90.
* I spent an hour climbing up, jumping across, and scrambling down big boulders on a creek bed trail in Tanto Natural Bridge State Park, as well as helping my youngest do the same. I felt like a female version of Greg Bear in “Man vs. Wild.” At least until my legs started shaking as I climbed up the last embankment that brought me back to the top of the trail. The next day, I was only a little sore. If I had tried to do the same four weeks ago, I probably would have hurt/pulled something and too sore to move the following day.
* I put on some shorts last week that used to scream in agony at the excessive stretching needed for me to wear them. This week, they only whimpered briefly.

My goals for this week are to memorize Ephesians 3:16-21 and keep any “binge eating” to one day a week and not let it get extended to more than two days. Ideally, I would like to eliminate binge eating all together. However, I am human, not God, so I can live with imperfection :-).

“If I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through. And if I’m weak, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You.” (Rich Mullins, “If I Stand”)

The result for this week: Up 1 pound, 37 to go

Week 3: It’s not just about the weight?

When I started this journey, I promised myself that I would only weigh myself once a week. And yet, last Thursday, I weighed myself at least three times during the day to see if anything had changed. No such luck. I spent the whole day feeling sorry—sorry that I had let myelf and my encouragers down, sorry that I had let God down because I know that I had indulged more than I should have during the week, rather than turning to God. I repented the pride that led to my “downfall” and in not really relying on the power of God. I re-affirmed the sacrifices that would have to be made in order to reach my goal and realized that, ultimately, they would be worth it if I did it to glorify God. The next day, I couldn’t resist. I got on the scale again. I was back to within 0.2 pounds of the week 1weight. Part of me screamed “ARRRGGGGHHHHHH! Why couldn’t this have been the weight yesterday?” Then I heard God ask me a question: “Are you going to trade in one idol for another?” Busted. Again. Drat.

Throughout the week, whether I had a good day eating or a bad day, God reminded me that other good things were happening. For one thing, working out five times a week is resulting in me having more energy and improving a lot quicker than I thought I would. When I started exercising, I barely got through 15 minutes of aerobics combined with 15 minutes of flexibility, which is not the same as stretching, according to Wii "My Fitness Instructor" (the cheaper version of Wii Fit). In the last week, I have increased it to 30 minutes of whatever I am doing and I am not having as much difficulty in peforming the exercise. When I walk Jacques, I am able to run/shamble for longer distances before my weak knee starts aching. I think the exercise has also contributed to me being calmer with the kids, probably because I don’t have the energy to get really mad at them :-). There are more days that I am satisfied with eating less and those times when I do overeat, I stop sooner than in previous times. In the past week I have thrown away a fudgecicle because I realized that I was not eating for the right reasons and, at a restaurant, cut everything in half and left one half to take home. I also successfully followed up one day of little excesses with a day of a little lesses. Finally, the clothes that were beginning to be a bit tight are feeling a little less tight. These are all positive changes that should be highlighted before the weight.

My goal this week is to memorize and meditate on two Bible verses: Ephesians 1:18-20, which I included in my last post, and 2 Corinthians 3:18.

The result for this week: down 4 pounds from last week (though it was REALLY only two), 36 pounds to go.

Thank you God, for giving me strength to make it through the week!

Week 2: Sophmore Slump

Sometimes, musical artists put all of their creative energy into one album that is incredibly awesome. Almost every song is a chart topper, destined to be on their future "Greatest Hits" album. As they are busy promoting their first album, they start putting together a second album to ride the fame wave. They hope the second album will ride on the coattails of the first, but they either don't take the time they did for the first album or they don't have the same creative juices flowing and the second album is a dud at best and sometimes is truly awfull. It happens enough that the music industry has created the term "sophmore slump" to describe a bad follow-up to a very successful album. This week, I had a slump that brought me back to the starting point.

The result for this week: up 2 pounds, 40 to go.

It was very painful and incredibly humbling to type that last line. The only good thing about last week was that I continued to exercise five days a week. Mother's Day started a bad four days, even though I stayed under 2000 calories on that day. I haven't even logged in my food for the last two days because I know the lines of calories consumed and burned would cross. However, at the risk of sounding like Bob the Tomato, I have to step back and ask myself the question, "What have I learned this week?" I learned that I can't do this on my own and that this is truly a heart issue, not a weight issue. I was carried the first week on the novelty, which wears off pretty fast in my heart. This week, I was grumbling, thinking how hard it was to have the gentle gnawing in my belly at the end of every meal, whereas, the first week, I was enjoying it. However, to really get serious, I need to turn away from food and find joy and comfort in the One who truly satisfies--the God, the Lord of the Universe, who loves me whether I am putting out the hits or in a sophmore slump. He sacrificed his son, Jesus so that my sins could be washed away even if the pounds sometimes remain. He knit me in my mother's womb and knows when I will get up and when I will lie down (Psalm 139). He gives me power to be able to persevere based on the following verses:

2 Corinthians 4:7
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

2 Corinthians 10:4
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.

Ephesians 1:18-20
I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms...

Ephesians 3:16-21
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

So, even though I am tempted to give up already and say "I can't do it! I don't have what it takes to go the distance!" I will choose to believe that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength (Phillipians 4:13).

The first week weigh-in

Before I begin, I just want to thank AquaJane and KT for their encouraging comments to my quest for weight loss. I did check out AquaJanes's blog in January 2009 and read her suggestions for weight loss and really like the idea of adding sweet dressing to salads to satisfy my sweet tooth.

The result for this week is: down 2 pounds, 38 more to go.

I was rather hoping for this result the first week, but am not expecting it to continue over the course of the remaining weeks. My last experience with weight loss had periods of plataues when I didn't lose anything for a week or two. Last week, I worked at weighing and measuring a lot of my food. To combat my sweet tooth, every morning, I make myself a smoothie for breakfast using 1 cup orange juice, 1 banana for sweetening and thickening and one egg for protein and foamy goodness. I also add ice and, if I am feeling extra fancy, a few drops of vanilla. It makes about 20 ounces or so and is pretty filling. I usually have a morning snack of either some sort of bread or a handful of nuts. I said that my daily goal is 1500 calories, but I am allowing one, maybe two days at most of eating up to 1800 calories. If I consume these calories before dinner, my plan is to go without dinner, or eat low calorie food, like veggies only or cut way down on my serving portions. I have had a few cookies here and there, mostly homemade cookies that are chock full of butter and granulated sugar. However, I am eating about 90% less sweets than what I have been eating. I was pretty shocked at what one homemade chocolate chip had in terms of calories. Sweets are my downfall. I am drinking less coffee these days because, to be honest, I prefer what my husband calls "candy in a drink" coffees, like what you would find at place where the workers are called "baristas." If I need caffeine, I am drinking green tea, which is not quite as satisfying but also has a gentler effect on the body than the caffeine in coffee.

For exercise, I am working out to "My fitness trainer" via the Wii five times a week. I only do 15 minutes of low impact exercise, followed by 15 minutes of their stretching program, which also includes some aerobic activity. I really don't like the Wii's cool down and might abandon it totally for my own. I am starting out with shorter times because I haven't exercised in a very long time and I don't want to burn myself out. I also walk the dog once a day, sometimes at a brisk pace, sometimes at a not-so-brisk pace. I have gotten some extra activity this week by being able to hop in the pool for about 30 minutes a few days with my kids. I don't really swim laps and it would probably take about 1000 laps to swim a mile, but I do play with the kids. By the way, an Arizona native told me that anyone who goes in the pool before June has not lived in Arizona long enough. We have been putting a solar cover on the pool to warm up the water to extend the season.

Weekends have been easier for me than weekdays because my husband is a better accountability person than my kids. For the next week, I am thinking about moving the smoothie to be a mid afternoon snack and having solid food for breakfast. I think breakfast is the really important meal and I would rather load my calories at that time rather than in the afternoon or evening. Plus, my sweet tooth is strongest in the afternoon, when my kids are enjoying their little sweets. The other time of night when I crave sweets is right before going to bed. However, at that time, I have my husband to hold me accountable, just by his presence. He is such a blessing!

A not-so-new frontier

Last Thursday, I decided to procrastinate no longer. I am going to lose weight. John is five years old, which means that what I am carrying can no longer be called "baby fat". It is all my very own fat, the result of too much overindulgence and too little exercise. I have been wanting to lose weight for years, but not really motivated to really make the sacrifices needed to accomplish my goal. Instead, I was really hoping/praying for God to do a miraculous liposuction/stomach stapling/heart transplant type procedure one night as I slept so that I woke up the next day forty pounds lighter with tight muscles and with no desire to overeat or eat anything sweet. For some reason, He didn't grant that prayer request. Go figure! What, do you ask, could have instigated such a decision NOW?

I would like to say that, one day, as I was praying, God gave me the fourth greatest commission--to unload myself of the unnecessary burden of obesity (yes, I qualify.) Alas, no such commission came. However, there have been many pin-pricks of conscience. My mother has lost a considerable amount of weight over the last several months using Weight Watchers. So there is some competitive motivation. I lost 50 pounds in the year and a half that I dated and married Eric so I know it CAN be done. When we bought the Wii system a few months back, one of the programs that I insisted we purchase was "My Personal Fitness Trainer" to help with the exercise part of weight loss when I decided to actually try to lose weight. However, it just sat in the package for a bit. What REALLY motivated me was that my husband won a pedometer with a cool program and gave it to me as an encouragement to lose weight because I had been grousing about it over the last several months. The program allows you to log the foods you eat to calculate calories consumed and any activites I am doing. It even tracks my sleeping pattern to see how efficiently I sleep. The food and activity logs are fairly easy to use and I can more effectively see how many calories that I have consumed and burned rather than just "guessing", which has been my previous, unsuccessful method. There are really cool graphs that appeal to my inner geek.

So I have set a goal of 40 pounds in 40 weeks, which is not only achievable, but also uses one of God's favorite numbers, which means my work is extra blessed :-). My secret desire is to be 20 pounds lighter by the middle of June, in which I attend my first wedding. However, slow and steady tends to result in more permanent weight loss. I will achieve it the old fashioned way, by reducing my caloric intake to somewhere around 1500 calories and increasing my activity to burn more calories. This will also help me to become healthier, maybe be able to catch my oldest child in tag, and reduce stress on my knees and hips, which are starting to feel the extra weight. Once I lose the weight, then I might be motivated to pursue other fitness goals, like running a half marathon and surviving a cute, little triathalon. My biggest hurdle is being able to sustain the program more than two weeks, which is when I have typically given up in the past. In the spirit of "Julie & Julia", I will post my accomplishments on Thursdays, which is the day last week in which I made up my mind to start the program, after receiving the pedometer.

For those of you who pray, please pray that God will fill me with all that I need to go through the suffering of sweets withdrawal, since that is pretty much the only way I can stay at 1500 calories and that I would not insist that my family join me in my suffering :-) by being a grump. I would really like to go through this being thankful to God for the food I CAN eat and the quantities that He allows.